Rolling Boy meets the Teddy Bear
by Somnis Morpheus
Summary: For two years Kaito s life has been rolling down a steephill. He was falling, and he might hit rock bottom, but one encounter with a teddy bear may change his life. (A/N: Think of it as Rolling Girl Kaito version...explanation inside)
1. Prologue

**Author`s note: Hey there! It`ll be my first time posting a story for Vocaloid and I decided to do my favourite pairing! :)**

**but before reading this story I will address some things that may pose questions later.**

**First, I`am sure some of you are confused as to why I entitled it as Rolling boy meets the teddy bear. Well first off I got this idea when I watched this video of youtube, it was Rolling Girl but it was Kaito who was singing. To be frank I prefer his voice more, it suited the song somehow at that time I also found a Len version of Tokyo Teddy bear. And so this story was created, as for the creators of the video...It was wonderful!**

**Second, yes this is shonen ai**

**Third, there might be suicidal scenes that may trigger any type of negative response but I`ll try to make them as vague as possible.**

**lastly, I`m not sure if I would be able to portray bullying correctly. To be honest the only bullying I ever received were taunts and the occasional hiding of my things. I was never directly harmed (only once when someone put a tack on my seat). But I heard that at times that some bullies are physically violent so yeah...if it seems that the bullying went a little too much...then I`m sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own crypton nor the songs used in the fic they belong to their respective owners.**

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**Prologue**

* * *

"I`m sorry Kai-chan!"

A young blunette stopped eating his ice-cream midway. His blue eyes stared at his friend`s green ones as she blurted apology after apology. She didn`t make any sense but the boy felt dread creep into his heart. The young tealette`s pigtails were bouncing as she kept bowing her head in apology, tears streaming down her pale face. The boy knew that cannot be good.

Early that morning his friend casually called him out to eat some ice cream at a nearby park. Seeing as ice cream was his favourite food he saw no reason to say no, but somehow the feeling of dread suddenly latched into his heart. His friend has been acting strange as well.

Ice cream long forgotten the boy spoke: "What`s wrong Miku-chan?" he asked.

The one called Miku sobbed, "I`m sorry Kaito! I promised to go to the same school but my manager managed to get me a world tour and I can`t refuse since it`s in my contract." She babbled as the tears kept streaming down her face.

The blunette, known as Kaito froze as he heard her words. His face went pale and his heart started to beat rapidly. He couldn` t believe her, he couldn`t bring himself to believe her. He felt so many emotions at once; anger, betrayal, grief, pain but most of all loneliness.

"You were my only friend Miku…" he said, "and you`re going to abandon me?" he added darkly.

Miku gasped "I`m sorry! I`m sorry! I`m sorry!" the girl kept apologizing, when Kaito kept his silence she began to sob, "Please say something! Don`t be mad at me! Please!" she begged, "Forgive me! I`m sorry!"

Kaito sat silently, he didn`t want to forgive her. In his heart he could still feel the betrayal and hurt eat him whole. He couldn`t believe this is reality. He can`t bring himself to forgive, he can`t bring himself to move. He was going to be alone, all alone. His friend was leaving him, abandoning him, to leave him alone. He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to be spoiled, he wanted her to stay.

And yet instead he said, "I forgive you Miku-chan, I know how important this is to your dream." He smiled at her tear streaked face, "I`ll be fine! I might even make a new friend!" he said reassuringly.

The other wiped her tears, "Are you sure?" she whispered.

"Hai! Hai!" he chirped, "besides I know we`ll still keep in touch, nee?"

The girl smiled, "Thank you Kaito…" she said, "I know this is selfish of me but thank you for accepting it."

She went to hug him, unaware of his inner turmoil. The young blunette let his best and only friend hug he softly. He could feel his own tears start to resurface but he refuse to let them fall. It was bad enough that his friend was feeling guilty, he didn`t want her to feel even worse. They were like that for a while, the tealette holding onto her blue haired friends while the other tried to push back his tears.

"When will you leave?" he asked her as she let him go.

"Tomorrow…" she mumbled, "that`s why I wanted to see you…" she said uncertainly.

There was an awkward silence.

"Ah! But here I have a farewell present!" she exclaimed, she rummaged through her hand bag and handed the blunette a beautiful blue ipod touch. "Tada~ my last record deal was a big success! And since I had a bit more I decided to get you this!" she said happily.

Kaito stared at the device warily, "It must have cost a lot Miku-chan, you shouldn`t have."

"Nonsense!" The girl scolded, "besides if you didn`t help with my song that time I`m sure it would have failed."

"I only played the piano Miku." Kaito muttered, "it wasn`t a big deal, and besides I promised to play for you as your graduation gift anyway."

"That`s the point!" Miku exclaimed, "That Ipod is both my farewell and graduation gift to you!" she said as she pointed at him, "and I also took the liberty of putting in all your favourite songs and some of my own."

Kaito stared at Miku and she nodded at his silent question. Tentatively Kaito opened the device and went straight to the Music library. Indeed all of his favourite songs were there and some of Miku`s top sings. He smiled when his eyes spotted a certain song.

"Rolling girl?" he muttered.

Miku just smiled, "well, you did play the piano part for that song." She smiled wider, "Go on! Try the thing out!"

Kaito didn`t need to be told twice, he pulled out his head phones from his bag and connected them to his new Ipod touch. As he was about to place the head phones over his ears he caught Miku staring at him with a fond smile. He smiled back as he heard the piano intro and the song went on.

(A/N: By the way the ones on **bold** are the lyrics while the ones in _italic_ are the translations...I also get no credit for the translations)

**RONRII GAARU wa itsu made mo todokanai yumemite **

**Sawagu atama no naka wo kakimawashite, kakimawashite.**

_The lonely girl is forever dreaming of something she can't reach and _

_Churning, churning the insides of her flustered mind_.

**"Mondai nai." to tsubuyaite, kotoba wa ushinawareta?**

_"There's no problem." she mutters; has she lost her words? _

**Mou shippai, mou shippai. **

**Machigai sagashi ni owareba, mata, mawaru no!**

_Another failure, another failure. _

_If it ends in search of the mistakes, once again, she'll spin! _

**Mou ikkai, mou ikkai. **

**"Watashi wa kyou mo korogarimasu." to, **

**Shoujo wa iu shoujo wa iu **

**Kotoba ni imi wo kanade nagara!**

_One more time, one more time. _

_"I'll roll today too." _

_The girl says, the girl says _

_While playing with the meanings in her words! _

**"Mou ii kai?" **

**"Mada desu yo, madamada saki wa mienai no de. Iki wo tomeru no, ima."**

_"Are you all right now?" _

_"Not just yet, because there's still a long ways to go and I can't see the end. Stop breathing, right now."_

**ROORINGAARU no nare no hate todokanai, mukou no iro **

**Kasanaru koe to koe wo mazeawasete, mazeawasete.**

_The rollingirl is but a mere shadow of who she once was, unable to reach the colour on the other side _

_The overlapping voices mixing, mixing with each other._

**"Mondai nai." to tsubuyaita kotoba wa ushinawareta. **

**Dou nattatte ii n datte sa, **

**Machigai datte okoshichaou to sasou, sakamichi.**

_"There's no problem." the words she muttered were lost. _

_How can she possibly turn out fine when _

_The hilly roads entice her and cause her to make mistakes._

**Mou ikkai, mou ikkai. **

**Watashi wo douka korogashite to **

**Shoujo wa iu shoujo wa iu **

**Mukuchi ni imi wo kasane nagara!**

_One more time, one more time. _

_Please let me roll _

_The girl says, the girl says _

_While silently repeating her meanings! _

**"Mou ii kai?" **

**"Mou sukoshi, mou sugu nanika mieru darou to. Iki wo tomeru no, ima."**

_"Are you all right now?" _

_"In just a little longer, we might be able to see something very soon. I'll stop breathing right now."_

**Mou ikkai, mou ikkai. **

**"Watashi wa kyou mo korogarimasu." to, **

**Shoujo wa iu shoujo wa iu **

**Kotoba ni emi wo kanade nagara!**

_One more time, one more time. _

_"I'll roll today too." _

_The girl says, the girl says _

_While playing on words with a smile!_

**"Mou ii kai? Mou ii yo. Sorosoro kimi mo tsukaretarou, ne." **

**Iki wo yameru no, ima. **

_"Are you all right now? It's okay. You gradually became tired of it too, right?" _

_We'll hold our breath, right now._

Kaito smiled when he noticed his best friend smiling at him. He knew that not everything will be alright and that might even get worst but he won`t tell her. No, he will move on his own. He`ll stand up and keep moving forward; to try and live his life as peaceful and as happy as possible. He will try his very best not to worry her, not to make her regret his decision.

And he`ll try to not to roll down a very stiff hill.

* * *

**Author`s note: Hope you like it! I`ll try to update as early as possible. Anyway I thank you for reading and please forgive any typographical errors, grammatical mistakes and if ever this fic confuses you.**

**Sayonara!**


	2. Chapter 1: Life rolling down

**Author`s note: Hello again! Here`s the first chapter. Sorry if it`s a bit short, it`s been a long time since I`ve written any chaptered fic.**

**As I wrote this part I was listening to rolling girl...It helped a lot. **

**Anyway I`m sure the first scene isn`t quite that original. I got it from the video, but really I couldn`t think of a even better fitting intro than the video...so yeah I claim no right to it.**

**by the way legend:**

_"mehh" - Phone call_

"mehh" - normal conversation or singing

_**mehh - e-mail or text message**_

**Disclaimer****: the song and characters are not mine...and so is the first scene **

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**Chapter 1: Life rolling down**

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Soft music engulfed the deserted hallway of a school. If someone was to walk through these halls they would notice only one door was open and the sign above it read as 'Music Room'. Inside however was almost bare. Only pictures of popular pianist hung on the wall, some music stands were scattered around the room and the black board was at the furthest wall. However only one instrument was in the room, it was sleek black grand piano.

A blunette student was seated by the said instrument, pressing down the keys producing a soft melody. His head was swinging to the tune, the headphones dangling from his neck was not even affecting him. Suddenly the soft melody gradually went into a crescendo, the beat becoming faster as each note was pressed.

"RONRII GAARU wa itsu made mo todokanai yumemite" he suddenly sung, eyes closed as he concentrated on the lyrics, "Sawagu atama no naka wo kakimawashite, kakimawashite."

His voice was soft but was slowly rising as each phrase passed his lips. The weather was cool but somehow the teen`s voice was making the room warm and bright. He continued to play, as if he memorized the piece, his fingers dancing on the keys.

""Mondai nai." to tsubuyaite, kotoba wa ushinawareta?" he sung, "Mou shippai, mou ship-"

(A/N: End of the scene where I do not claim any ownership too)

Suddenly a piercing ring rang through the room, shattering the spell placed within. The blunette stopped playing the piano; he opened his eyes and they trailed to his bag which was at the other side of the room. He stood up slowly, and approached his belongings. Once it was in his hand he searched inside until he pulled out a blue cell phone.

He flipped it open and put it near his ear, "Hello?"

"_Kaito!_" a female voice greeted from the other end.

"Mother," the boy said politely, "is there something wrong?"

"_Nothing Kaito, but I`ll be out for a while and so can you watch the house please_?" the woman said.

"Yes, Mother." He replied, "take c-" the person on the other line hung up, "…care…"

The blunette stared at his phone for a while before shoving it into his bag. Casually he slung the blue bag pack unto his left shoulder and then he left the room closing the door gently. The music room was now cold and bathe in silence, the piano was left alone.

The young teen walked through the deserted hallways of the school. Keeping his head down as he walked casually, he wasn`t in a hurry anyway. No one was at school this late anyway so there was no need to worry. He was safe, he was sure of it. He made sure to keep himself safe, to be alone but protected. To run away.

As he was going down the stairs, he heard steps, next thing he knew he was pushed down the stairs. As he fell he clutched his bag and went into a fetal position, hoping to protect himself better. He tumbled down the stairs, almost rolling down it, before landing harshly on the cold floor. Slowly he uncurled himself and just remained motionless. He didn`t move, not even when he noticed his belongs were scattered around him.

"I knew you were hiding from us." A voice above snickered, and then he looked up to meet narrowed violet eyes. "You were quite pathetic." The violet eyed male sneered as he flicked his long violet hair.

"Oooh~ he`s silent!" a female voice said, giggling as she peered at the still teen who was just staring at her blankly.

"Maybe we can get him to speak." Another male said as he ascended down the stairs, his red eyes were staring maliciously at the blue haired teen. He sweeps his red hair out of his eyes as he spoke, "Maybe we could get him to scream." And as he finished he gave one strong kick to the blue haired teen`s side.

Kaito gasped as he was kicked rather painfully, but that wasn`t the end. The red haired teen continued to kick him as his friends above continued to throws insult and laugh at him. The young blunette didn`t even bother to protect himself, he didn't even dare to fight back, but to only accept the pain silently. He was giving up, he gave up long ago. He gave up and now he was giving up to the calming darkness as he slowly lost consciousness.

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_**Dear Kai-chan!**_

_**Hey! It`s been a while! My tour has been great! I`ve been signing record deals left and right and so unfortunately I can`t visit again this year. I`m sorry, but don`t worry I`ll make it up to you! I promise!**_

_**Oh, I met some great people, I mentioned Luka before, right? Well Luka-chan is going to be my partner for this new song! Isn`t that great! I also met this girl named Rin Kagamine and she is so cute~!**_

_**I`m having fun and making new friends, so don`t worry. Kai-chan I know it`s difficult but try to make new friends! I haven`t heard you mention any!**_

_**By the way how are you? I`m worried, I heard from Gumi (You remember Gumi right?) that she saw you with a lot of bandages lately. Are you alright? **_

_**Anyway I have to go, I have a press con in a few minutes so I`m sorry I have to cut this message short.**_

_**Bye! \(^_^)**_

_**Love,**_

_**Miku**_

Kaito stared at his laptop, re-reading his e-mail, over and over again. He felt quite happy that Miku was fine but also sad because it was like she was leaving him. When she left that day he felt even more alone than before, sure they e-mail each other regularly but somehow he feels as if they were drifting apart.

He sighed as he typed his reply, his earphones on his ears as he listened to his music.

_**Hello Miku-chan**_

_**It`s fine I know you`re busy, I`m just happy that you`re finally reaching your dreams. As for my social life, I`m just too busy but don`t worry I`m fine the way it is.**_

_**My injuries, well it`s nothing serious. I just happened to roll down the stairs, haha you know me accident prone. There's no problem.**_

_**Anyway have fun and take care.**_

_**With love,**_

_**Kaito**_

He stared at the screen some more before slowly getting up from his desk and then collapsing on his bed. He stared at nothing, his mind was blank, only the songs from his ipod slowly filling his mind. This was his life for two years now; a punching bag for the meanest group of his school, the outcast of his class and bullied almost every day.

The incident that afternoon wasn`t the first, no it was an occurrence that happened regularly. People around him were cruel; they hurt him, tease him and bully him. The people who sincerely cared for him were never around. He was alone; he was always alone, at home, at school, his whole life.

He never fought back, but simply tried to live his life. Tried to stand up, pick up the pieces and just move. He never stopped, as if rolling down a steep hill. His life had been nothing. No matter how much he does, nothing could make it better. Not even his friend`s e-mails make his feel better, in fact, they make him feel lonelier than before.

He lay there silently, listening to the song that has always haunted his mind.

"Mada desu yo, madamada saki wa mienai node. Iki wo tomeru no, ima." He mumbled as the lyrics continued to play.

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**Author`s note: and~ done! Now I`m sure some of you are wondering why are Akaito and Gakupo his bullies. Well to be honest I couldn`t think of anyone else. I guess I got the idea of Gakupo from the song "The Madness of Duke Venomania" I mean it was Kaito who killed him in that song. As for Akaito...well I read in a wiki that he has a rebellious side and has a rivalry with Kaito... so let`s just ignore that they`re supposed to be related and that they have similar names**

**Now as for the female...I have no idea who should it be! I can`t imagine Gumi being that evil, nor could Luka and Rin ...I thought of Meiko but it doesn`t sit well with me. Neru is also a candidate...but...err I`m not sure.**

**so my readers if you want to give out suggestions feel free to do so~! :)**

**By the way if you look closely at Kaito`s reply you`d see snippets of the song rolling girl :)**

**Anyway thanks for reading and please forgive any errors, (Typographical, grammatical...etc.) and also forgive the poor plotting.**


	3. Chapter 2: the teddy bear

**Author`s note: Hello again! :D and thanks for reading! Here`s the second chapter!**

**Oh by the way sorry if this chapter is short...I already wrote this chapter...but I seemed to have lost the original file...**

**Discliamer: I do not own vocaloid etc. etc. (you know the drill!)**

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**Chapter 2: The teddy bear**

* * *

Kaito barely dragged his body out of the school building before he was dragged to a reclusive place near the stairs to face his tormentors. The violet haired male was smirking at him as his other two companions were laughing. He decided to stay in late again hoping to avoid them, unfortunately luck wasn`t on his side again today.

"Hey there Shion!" the violet haired one said happily, his voice was almost too happy.

"Kamui-san…" the victim mumbled.

"Aww~ he can still speak." The one addressed as Kamui said, "hey Akaito! What do you think we should do?"

The red head in the group grinned, before he approached the poor teen, "I suggest we teach him a few more tricks." And he punched the blunette in the stomach.

The victim coughed in shock, he barely had anytime to recover as another punch was sent to his stomach. The only girl in the group was snickering as they continued to torment him. They continued to hit his already bruised body, continued to insult his already shattered pride and continued to stomp on his humanity.

He knew the pain was unbearable, but his body was already used to it. It was already used to the physical and psychological pain. It was numbing, the pain was numbing. It was as if his body couldn`t feel anymore, it was also as if his heart wasn't beating. Everything was numb, as numb as his life.

He knew then that there was no hope.

"HEY!" Someone yelled. "SENSEI THEY`RE HERE!"

The group froze as they were caught. They suddenly dropped the beaten teen and ran for their lives. Kaito lay there motionlessly. His body was too tired to get up. He only stared blankly at the ceiling, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Suddenly a young boy was staring down at him. Cerulean eyes were staring at him. Kaito duly noted the boy looked young, and blonde hair was framing his adorable face. He also didn`t miss the teddy bear which was hugged tightly to the child`s body. Kaito admitted that he might be a bit delusional for he thought the light of the setting sun peeking through the windows made the boy look like an angel.

"Are you alright?" the voice was high but also melodious, "did they hurt you?" the boy then tilted his head.

"I`m fine…" Kaito mumbled, "Did you really call a sensei?" he asked suddenly.

The child chuckled, "No! But I thought that it might scare them." He said rather proudly.

Kaito looked back at the boy, the child was wearing gakuran on which was wore correctly and neatly, in contrast to Kaito`s own gakuran which was open and worn above his white hoodie. So Kaito safely assumed that the child would be in either middle school or highschool.

"You`re not from this school are you?" he asked as he could not recall ever seeing the teen.

The child chuckled, "Of course I`am! But I`m in another building." He answered, "My caretaker said he needed to deal with something in this build-"

"LEN!" two pairs of eyes spotted a brown haired man running towards them, his glasses were a bit askew as he frantically running towards them. "Len! What have I told you about running off!"

"I`m sorry Kiyoteru-san." Len mumbled.

The sensei sighed in relief, "Just don`t do that again, your nii-san and nee-chan have enough to worry about." As if suddenly noticing him the sensei turned towards Kaito, in which the teen was still lying on the floor. "Shion? Are you alright? Did you get into a fight?" the teacher asked his voice laced with concern as he noticed the injuries of his student.

As Len was about to speak Kaito cut him off, "I just fell down the stairs," he chuckled, "or more like rolled down them."

The young child stared at him uncertainly. Kaito only shook his head, slowly he tried to sit up, he noticed that the pain has numbed yet again. He got up with a bit of difficulty but nonetheless was able to properly face his teacher.

"Shion, should I escort you to the nurse`s office, I`m sure Ann is still in the premises." His teacher said as he held out a hand to Kaito.

But the teen merely brushed it off, "I appreciate it sensei but I`m fine." He smiled. "Sorry, but I have to get home, it`s getting late and all."

"Of course."

However as he made to leave a young voiced called out, "Are you alright?"

He stared at the cerulean eyes of the child and replied, "There`s no problem."

And he walked away never turning back. He couldn`t help but smile though, for the first time in what seems like forever there was someone who was concerned for him.

* * *

_**Dear Kaito,**_

_**Guess what! Rin-chan told me that she has an older brother. I met him today and he was so cute! He looked so cuddly!**_

_**Anyway Kai-chan I sent you some presents! I`m really sorry I won`t be able to visit! Even after I promised you! I`m so sorry!**_

_**Are you sure you`re fine? Are you lonely? I`m real sorry but I`ll try to visit you soon, okay?**_

_**Anyway got to go! I promised Rin that we`d go sightseeing before we do the recording for our new song.**_

_**Love you! Bye**_

_**Miku**_

Kaito stared at the screen; he reread the message before smiling to himself. It was pleasant feeling to know that at least someone was worried about him; to ask if he was alright, to ask if maybe there was something wrong. He felt quite happy about it. Even that simple question, 'are you alright?' makes him feel happy, even only temporarily.

Today`s events been uneventful. He met a strange boy, who not only worried about him but even saved him from a beating that may have gotten worst. It was nice, he admitted, having someone, even a stranger to worry about him. But he also knew, he knew that no matter who worries about him, this problem will never disappear, he will continue to go through life, to roll down it, until he hit rock bottom.

He carefully chose his words as he replied.

_**Hey Miku,**_

_**Oh that`s nice, another cuddly bear you want to suffocate. I`m sure the guy was traumatized when you met him.**_

_**Oh presents? It better be ice cream! You know how much I love that stuff**_

_**I`m fine Miku, there`s no problem. Everything is fine.**_

_**Have fun with your trip.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Kaito.**_

He sat there, staring at the screen, just staring at it blankly. He felt somewhat guilty for lying to Miku but he couldn`t avoid it. He promised himself that he wouldn`t make her regret her decision and if she found out she would feel even more guilty. He couldn`t bring himself to tell her the truth, he couldn`t bring himself to ask for help. He simply just let everything pass him. Let life move on.

His eyes travelled to his wrists that were covered in scars. Some seemed years old while other seemed like weeks. That was another cure, another method to move on. To remind him that he was still alive. To remind him to keep on moving. He stared at them.

He rolled up his sleeves and stared at the scars harder before pulling out razor. He stared at his right wrist before dragging the blade across his skin. The blood oozed slowly, almost lazily. He didn`t flinch, didn`t feel a thing. It has been like that for a while. Everything was numb; everything seemed to have lost his feel. He couldn't even feel his heart beat anymore.

"One more time…" he whispered, "One more time..."

He gave himself another self-inflicted scar before lying on his bed, the blood from the scars bleeding slowly. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of nothing but the songs that was currently playing on his head phones.

"Mou ikkai, mou ikkai." He sang softly, "Watashi wo douka korogashite to"

He could feel himself drowning in the song and his sorrow.

* * *

**Author`s note: A brief meeting but hey it`s sweet nonetheless! Finally Len makes an appearance!**

**As for Kaito`s uniform hmmm well I guess you should look up his Gakuran in Project Diva F. As for Len`s I was supposed to use the Student council president module in Project Diva F, But I thought against it. So just imagine him in a normal black gakuran.**

**As for the cutting scene...well it is psychologically possible for a person to turn to self-harm especially in situations like being bullied...etc. so if you`re wondering why that happened in this chapter...well let`s just say it is completely possible.**


	4. Chapter 3: Are you alright now?

**Author`s note: Sorry for the late update! Anyway here is chapter 3! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own vocaloid...and well you the rest**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Are you alright now?**

* * *

He sat there simply staring the keys. He couldn`t bring himself to play. He just sat there simply staring, not moving. The room that was usually bathe in warmth whenever he`d play was suddenly cold. For a year now he same by the music room to play almost every day. His tormentors never bother to torture him there for it was near the student council room. It became a haven where he`d hide out until he was sure they were gone, or at least until he could pick himself up again.

Today though he couldn`t bring himself to play. Kaito sat there silently just staring at the keys where his fingers usually danced in. He couldn`t bring himself to press a single key. Suddenly everything seemed to be weighting down on him; pulling him down further, to slowly drown him. He was still falling, rolling down that steep hill where he was sure where a river would await to swallow him, to drown him.

"Daijobu desu ka?" a voice suddenly asked, "Won`t you play?"

He turned his eyes to the blonde who was entering the room. The child`s blonde strands where tied into a high ponytail and his hair seemed spikier the last time he saw him. The gakuran was still neatly worn. Cerulean eyes were twinkling at him as the blonde child smiled. the teddy bear hugged tightly near his chest.

Kaito frowned, "Daijobu desu yo." He replied automatically, "and no I won`t."

The child pouted, "but I like hearing you play." He whined.

"You have never heard me play." The blunette claimed.

"I did to!" the other protested, "Kiyoteru-san would sometimes bring me to the student council room whenever he`s busy. Lily-san is very kind but watching her do student council work is boring so sometimes I`d walk these halls and someone would be playing a piano while singing." The child explained. "The voice was beautiful and the music always flowed! It was like magic!" the child complimented.

Kaito stared at the young teen. Never in his life had he realize that someone was listening to him play. It shocked him that someone actually heard him, praise him even. Somehow the cold room became warm as the child`s smile grew wider. Slowly the child approached the piano and sat beside the blunette. He let the teddy bear rest on his lap as his small fingers started pressing keys.

The song was slow and gentle. The blonde's hands were small and yet he had no difficulty pressing unto the keys. Thin fingers were dancing to the music. Cerulean orbs hidden as the owner closed his eyes in concentration. It mesmerized Kaito, the light from the widows were giving the child some kind of glow, as if an angel playing the harp. It was almost beautiful

The child opened his mouth and began to sing, his angelic voice filling the room. Kaito could only stare and listen. The child`s voice was over power the song that was currently playing on his headphones. The room became even warmer, brighter even. It felt so different from when he first arrived there, seated by himself simply staring at the keys. And this child brought everything alive.

When the child finished he opened his eyes, those cerulean orbs were twinkling when he offered the blunette a smile. Kaito couldn`t help himself he smiled back in return.

"Nii-san always taught me how to play the piano and nee-chan loves to sing with me." The boy started to say, "But I like Sempai`s voice better! And your playing simply move me." He grinned.

Kaito couldn`t help but blushed, "don`t lie."

"I don`t lie." The other replied, "Even teddy agrees with me!" he exclaimed as he stared lovingly at the bear.

"How old are you?" Kaito asked, "And you still have that bear."

"I`m fourteen! I`m a senior in my junior high." He said proudly.

Kaito couldn`t help himself he chuckled, "aren`t you a bit too small to be in junior high?"

The other huffed, "Mou! Even senpai! nee-san is already teasing me since I`m only about her height!" he pouted, "and we`re twins too but shouldn`t I be taller."

"You`ll grow." Kaito said, "Eventually." He teased.

"What about you Senpai?" the child ignored the jab, "what age are you?"

"Sixteen." Kaito answered, "`I`m already in my second year of high school."

The child blinked before saying, "What`s your name senpai?"

The blunette sighed, "Shion Kaito."

"Can I call you Kaito?" the child asked.

Kaito frowned at the disrespect but nonetheless replied, "Sure whatever kid."

"I`m not a kid!" the other huffed, "my name is Len!" he introduced, "and this is teddy!"

"Aren`t you too old to be bringing teddy bears?" Kaito asked.

The child frowned before staring down at his bear, "but teddy`s been my friend ever since nii-san gave him to me." He hugged the stuff animal closer, "he`s my best friend."

The older teen stared guiltily, "I`m sorry I didn`t mean to make you upset." He awkwardly patted Len`s head.

"It`s fine Kaito-senpai!" the child chirped. Then suddenly grabbed unto his senpai`s arm. "Come on Kaito let`s go!"

"What the-?" he barely had time to react as the child grabbed the older teen`s bag and started dragging the reluctant blunette out of the room.

"Wa-wai-" Kaito started to speak.

"Don`t worry!" the child called back, "we`re the only ones left…except for Kiyoteru-san and Lily-san!" he started dragging Kaito down the stairs, "They`re doing patrol so the three meanies are gone."

The child dragged him down the stairs, across the hall and out the building. He didn`t stop even when they were out of school premises. Kaito stopped struggling but simply let the child drag him to go knows where. Kaito dully noted that they were going the way to his own. He recognized the streets, in a bit they would be crossing the nearby ice cream parlour where Miku and he last met.

When they passed by the said establishment, Kaito couldn`t help but frown, he suddenly missed the teal haired girl. She was his only friend and now he`s alone. Suddenly the middle school student stopped dragging him and his eyes landed into a deserted playground. It was in top condition, the children must have went home when they realize the sun was about to set. The blonde let go of his arm and sat on the swing. Without invitation Kaito sat on the swing beside the blonde.

"Nee! Kaito-senpai hold teddy for a second, okay?" and the blonde dumped the bear on his lap before running off.

The blunette only watched the other go, shocked at the sudden turn of events. He frowned and then stared at the bear. It was a little worn out; it must have bear years old. But he duly noted that the bear is still taken care of, as if treasured. The blonde must have loved that bear. He kept staring at it.

"Here!" someone exclaimed and Kaito looked up for his face to be greeted by a cone of ice cream.

"What?" he stared at the blonde blankly.

"Ice cream!" the boy cheered, "it`s yours."

Kaito slowly took the offered treat and smiled, "thank you."

"Are you alright now?" the blonde asked.

Kaito shook his head, "No not yet."

And they sat in silence; basking in the comfort they seemed to have brought each other.

* * *

_**Hey Kai-chan!**_

_**I`m sorry if I haven`t written in a while! Work is killing me T^T**_

_**No! I did not torment him! And now he was not traumatized. You`re so mean to me Kai-chan! T^T**_

_**And no it isn`t ice cream! How would I be able to send Ice cream? It would melt! But I sent you presents! I got some for your siblings! So make sure you share!**_

_**I hope you`re doing well! Tell me if something is wrong, okay?**_

_**Have to go now…but remember run to me when something is wrong.**_

_**Love **_

_**Miku**_

_**P.S. And make sure you eat something healthy DX you might be stuffing yourself with ice cream again!**_

It has been a week since Miku last wrote to him. He barely noticed.

After his interaction with the blonde his heart felt somewhat lighter. He can`t put his finger on it but somehow he felt that something in him was changing. Something was bubbling in his chest. It was not the usual churning that he feels in his stomach or the struggling feeling beneath his skin. It was different somehow.

He couldn`t help but be a bit honest with his friend.

_**Dear Miku,**_

_**I understand. Work must be very busy then.**_

_**Yeah I don`t believe you. I remember my siblings` faces when you first met them. You torment all things that look cute and cuddly.**_

_**But I want ice cream! Fine whatever but it better be good.**_

_**Actually things aren`t so fine, but don`t worry there`s no problem.**_

_**Take care.**_

_**Love**_

_**Kaito.  
P.S. Only if you stop stuffing your face with leeks XP**_

* * *

**Author`s note: Hahaha I fell in love with some of the other deviations of Kaito and I couldn`t help but give him siblings, don`t worry they`re also important for his character development.**

**Anyway I edited chapter 2 since I noticed I had a lot of typos.**

**By the way translations:**

**Daijobu desu ka? - Are you alright?**

**Daijobu desu yo. - I`m alright**


	5. Chapter 4: Struggling,drowning, bleeding

**Author`s note: Hey guys! Fourth chapter is out and I hope it`s up to your liking!**

**Warning: Self-harm**

**Disclaimer: I do not own...you know the drill!**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Struggling, drowning, bleeding**

* * *

Struggling, Kaito felt that he was struggling. It was almost suffocating. He didn`t know why. He had top grades; his teachers praise him for his work. His parents were proud and his siblings look up to him, (but there are certain exceptions). And so he didn`t know what was making him feel like his was struggling. He knew it wasn`t the bullying, he was used to that. So what was it that`s making him feel like he was struggling.

It was strange and annoying. He feels like he was struggling within his skin. Something wanted to come out, to burst forth. Was it the expectations? No, he knew no one expected anything from him; his parents never pressured him into anything. Was it his obligations? It couldn`t be, no one was pressuring him; his siblings didn`t even run to him for problems and his homework was always completed in time. Was it his family problems? Nada, they have no problems; although his parents aren`t around they make sure to make it up to them, his siblings are fine.

If there were no problems what was making him feel like he was struggling?

He pondered over the idea for a while. He couldn`t be sure what was making him feel like drowning. It was like something was strapping itself unto his neck, like a leash, getting tighter, suffocating him. He didn`t know how to deal with them. He`s been pushing these feelings behind him for years and yet somehow they still come back. Why won`t they numb out like his emotions? It was frustrating.

"Daijobu desu ka?" someone asked, "Are you having problems?"

Kaito blinked before staring at the blonde, "Daijobu desu yo." He replied. "there`s no problem."

"Uso." The blonde teen said as he sat beside the older, "you look upset."

Kaito simply shrugged and just remained silent.

They were at the playground again. Ever since Len showed brought him there he`s been coming back after school. He never did anything spectacular; he just sat there silently watching the sunset. Len would normally join him later. On some occasions Len would be waiting for him, other times Len would be waiting for him in front of the music room then follow him. Sometimes Len would show up with ice cream or cake. The way he shows up varies, he could be early, he could be late, he could be bringing a treat or he could be empty handed but one thing is for certain: he always has a small smile on his face.

Whenever Kaito thinks about it, the blonde is adamant about following him around. The blonde just seems to be there. Fortunately he was never around whenever his tormentors decided to play; although he was normally apathetic he did not want to get hurt. He also noticed that sometimes he would return the small smiles. It was strange but also very comforting.

They sat there in silence. That was another thing. The atmosphere was never awkward, even if they don`t exchange words, in fact it was always comforting. As if the presence of the other was enough. And Kaito would bask in that comfort, it helped him feel relaxed, made the struggling feeling disappear. It was something he treasured.

"Are you alright now?" the blonde asked.

"Not just yet." Kaito replied.

And they lapsed into silence yet again, simply enjoying the company of one another. Kaito could place his finger on it, but something about their meetings makes him feel as if nothing else mattered. That there was nothing else but the two of them He wondered that maybe being alone for so long was doing something to his psyche. But the strange feeling was not unwelcome.

When he thinks about it, he hasn`t spent any time with his siblings as of late. He hasn`t talked to his mother in quite a while, and he barely called his father who was on a business trip. It was as if when everything started crumbling down he locked himself away. That he set up a wall around himself.

"Nee Kaito?" the blonde suddenly spoke, "are you alright?"

"Not yet," he replied, "May be not in a little while."

Suddenly the struggling feeling was resurfacing. It was suffocating. He tried to ignore it. It was as if something was coming out and he couldn`t control it. He can`t seem to control it anymore. No matter how much he tried to be apathetic. It wants to come out and he wasn`t sure if he could handle it.

It was squeezing his throat, trying to suffocate him

He felt like he was drowning.

* * *

**Dear Kaito,**

**Yeah, it`s been hectic, I`m going to die from stress. OAO**

**I do not torture anything soft and cuddly! DX I`m sure you`re siblings weren`t traumatized. They love me! I know they do! You`re just being mean.**

**And I know you`ll love my present.**

**Are you fine? Are you sure? I can skip work if you want.**

**Take care Kaito! I`m warning you! If I find out you`re having problems and not telling me I will hit you a leek!**

**With Love**

**Miku**

**PS. Leeks are healthier than ice cream any day! **

Kaito sighed, somehow the persistent struggling feelings won`t back down. It was strange. He could normally control it. Then again things have been changing lately. It somehow started when he met the blonde. He mused; ever since he met the blonde things have been spiralling out of control. It was weird. It was strange. But most of all it was relaxing.

He typed his reply quickly.

**Dear Miku,**

**Hahaha well good luck then.**

**You do realize whenever you come over my siblings lock themselves in their rooms, and Taito is even more violent whenever you`re around.**

**Somehow I`m afraid of what you sent. Knowing you.**

**Yes, I`m fine, there`s no trouble.**

**Yes mother *rolls eyes*, take care as well**

**With Love**

**Kaito.**

**PS. But they kill taste buds.**

He left out important parts but the struggling feeling was worsening now. He frowned; it was as if something wanted to come out, to violently tear something apart. He couldn`t seem to keep it at bay and it was affecting him. Something was churning. Something was changing within him. He hasn`t felt this feeling for two years and yet here it was again.

He sighed and rolled up his sleeves, maybe just maybe it would help it. He added cuts to his small collection on his wrists. He couldn`t help but notice that the struggling feeling was ebbing away, but he didn`t notice his cuts were getting more violent. He couldn`t hear his thoughts but the song that was playing on his head phones. He didn`t even hear the door to his room open.

"Nii-san?" he heard a voice.

His eyes widened and they swivelled to the door. There stood a boy about thirteen to fourteen years old. He had dark violet hair and reddish eyes. Kaito`s eyes widened when he noticed those red orbs trailing to the blood that was oozing out of his newly inflicted cuts. He rolled down his sleeves quickly as possible; he ignored the uncomfortable feeling of cloth on his still open wounds. He stood quickly and approached the young child by the door.

"Taito? Was there something you needed?" he asked.

Taito shook his head, "No, nii-san, but Okaa-san said that you haven`t been joining us for dinner lately and she`s rarely home…so…"

Kaito felt something churning in his stomach, "I`m not hungry but maybe another time."

Taito frowned, "Nii-san—"

"You didn`t see anything, right Taito?" Kaito said looking at his brother`s red eyes, "right?"

"Hai nii-san." The boy mumbled.

Kaito ruffled his brother`s hair before closing the door gently. He heard footsteps leaving his door and he sighed.

The struggling feeling started to resurface.

And blood dripped unto the floor.

* * *

**Author`s note: Oooohhhh~ the plot seems to be thickening...and Taito made a cameo~! XD He`s my favourite within all the Kiato variations...But don`t worry he has a bigger role...And I believe he`s the only one who could fulfill it~**

**Anyway can`t wait for the next chapter~!**

**PS. Please forgive typographical errors, poor plotting and grammatical errors!**


	6. Chapter 5: Understanding

**Author`s note: I received a lovely review for the last chapter and well the reader pointed out that Len doesn`t seem to do much. As much at it seems true but he`s doing a lot by just being their by Kaito`s side...I`ll explain why at the end...but I hope this chapter is to everyone`s liking.**

**Anyway this is my longest chapter so far...hope you guys would enjoy it~!**

**Warning: Bit of violence and some self harm**

**Disclaimer: I do not own**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Understanding**

* * *

They met up again, just like what they`ve been doing for a while now. He couldn`t really recall how long have they been doing it, not that he bothered to. It was strange, you were used to solitude and then suddenly some blonde ball of sunshine had attached itself to you. It was new to him and he would admit it made him feel funny.

Slowly though he could feel himself feel the struggling sensation again. This time he had to resort to self-harming to keep it at bay. He`s been doing it more and more recently. The slashes seem to have controlled the monster that wanted to come out.

But that control is slowly slipping.

"Daijobu desu ka?" the blonde greeted, "are you alright now?"

"No, not yet." Was the blunette`s automatic reply.

They sat in silence, but it wasn`t the comforting silence, no it was as if they were anticipating the inevitable. Kaito doesn`t know why but he feels that something was about to change soon, to shift out of control. Something was going to change soon. And he has no control over it.

Something was going to come out and he had no idea what.

"Nee, did they hurt you again?" the blonde asked, his hand caressed the cut on his cheek.

Kaito said nothing but felt something shift within him.

Suddenly the blonde grabbed his arm and was staring at his bandaged wrist.

"Nee, Kaito-sempai have you been hurting yourself?" he asked simply.

And Kaito snapped.

Almost instantly his hands where gripping on the younger`s throat. He couldn`t seem to see, and his limbs feel as if they were shaking. Something was coming out, something was releasing itself, struggling out of his skin. It was the monster he was trying to keep at bay. And now he couldn`t control it. He couldn`t keep it down. He couldn`t bury it in his heart.

He can`t control himself.

He tightened his grip on the younger male`s neck. He could feel the other`s pulse. Everything was slowly seeping from the blunette`s pores, the rage, the anger, the anguish. It had been a very long time since he felt anything other than the numbness. It`s been a long time. The other wasn`t struggling but only staring at his blue eyes, but Kaito couldn`t see it. He can`t seem to see anything, he can`t feel, and he can`t hear. He retreated to the back of his mind, to his subconscious.

Slowly the blonde brought a hand towards his cheek and caressed the still bleeding cut.

"Are…you…" Len started gasping, "…alright….now…?"

The angelic voice reached into his subconscious and awoke the other from his trance.

Kaito`s eyes widened as he stared at the sincere cerulean eyes. The young blonde wasn`t staring at him with hate or pity, No; he was staring at him in worry, worry that Kaito had lost himself. The blonde was worried that he had actually drowned in his sorrow and anguish. The other didn`t resent him, rather wanted to bring him back, to bring him back, to save him somehow.

Slowly Kaito let the other go. His victim didn`t run, rather just stood there, staring at him. The teddy bear lay forgotten on the floor. Len coughed a little but nonetheless stared at him and then smiled.

"Are you alright now?" he asked sweetly, his voice a bit hoarse, "Did that make Sempai feel better?"

"No…" Kaito whispered, "not just yet…"

Len simply smiled, "nee sempai it`s getting late! I have to go home." And he picked up the teddy bear which he dropped.

"Len I-" Kaito started to apologize but was stopped by the blonde.

"It`s alright." The other said simply, "Want to walk me home?" he suddenly offered.

Kaito could only nod. He followed the smaller male. They walked in silence. Kaito couldn`t help but look at the strange child before him. The child who didn`t fought him when he tried to kill him. The child who simply let the other choke him, he was strange that way. But is was also that strangeness that worried him somehow. The blonde was able to pull some sort of emotions from his chest, it felt something twisting, churning within him. He`s worried, not for himself, but for the blonde,

They continued to walk, passing by houses. There are a few people out and it was already dark. Street lamps were open so they could see where they were walking but somehow to Kaito it was still dark.

"Why?" he asked after a while, he did not need to elaborate.

"Because, I understand." The other replied, "And I was hoping you would do it for me."

"You wanted to die?" the other replied.

"Strange I know but isn`t that what all troubled children want?" The other replied simply.

They continued to walk in silence. They passed by a little boy who was holding unto an older child, they must be brothers. Kaito noted that Len stared at them longingly, as if wishing for something he couldn`t reach. He stared up at the sky; the stars seem to have come out.

"It`s pathetic that I don`t have the courage to do it myself." Len suddenly spoke.

"Is that what you really want?" Kaito asked the other.

"I want to be loved." Len replied, "But it might not be possible. People will love you for a while but you`ll later be forgotten, abandoned, just like a teddy bear."

"I can—" Kaito started but the blonde cut him off.

"You can`t." the other said, "you can`t feel anything at the moment."

They became silent again. This time the silence was tense, almost suffocating.

"No matter how much you want to, your emotions and feelings seemed to be locked up somewhere. You just want to run to end it all." The other continued. The teddy bear was now clutched tightly.

"How do you know?" Kaito asked, he was simply curious.

"Because I do." Was the simple reply that the blunette received, "We`re here!" Len exclaimed, pointing at one of the houses in the neighbourhood.

Kaito wave awkwardly expecting the blonde to leave, to run away from him. He expected the other to run into his home and hide away from the blunette who chocked him. But the young one surprised him again by grabbing unto his hand and interlocking their fingers. The blonde simply smiled at him.

"I`m not angry, I`m not afraid and I`m not different, sempai." The blonde said, "I may have no hope left but you sempai, I`ll make sure you`ll still keep believing."

Kaito stared at younger teen.

"I`ll be your teddy bear!" the blonde exclaimed happily, "And I`ll be with you until you tire of me."

Kaito simply nodded and with a wave Len ran into the house. When he was sure the blonde was inside Kaito made his own way back, his house wasn`t that far, just a few blocks away. As he walked he couldn`t seem to get his mind to think straight. He couldn`t stop thinking about the strange blonde and his words, his words are strange. The way the blonde thinks is quite different from what other children normally do.

For once it made Kaito worry about the blonde.

And he wanted to help him.

* * *

When Kaito got home he was tackled by a crying small blue haired child. He was shocked; none of his siblings ever ran to him when there was a problem. They always seem to be fine on their own. They were independent and they never needed their nii-san. They were usually left to their own devices and they always left him alone. So having his younger sister gripping his clothes was new to him.

"Kaiko?" Kaito whispered as the little girl continued to sob.

The child lifter her head and stared at him with watery blue eyes and tears trailing down the her small face "Kaito-nii! Taito-nii said that you stopped loving us!" the child cried.

"What?" the teen asked in shock, soothingly he rubbed the elementary student`s back, "What? Of course not-"

Taito was suddenly down the stairs, his face was blank. As Kaito was about to speak the middle school child suddenly pointed an accusing finger at him. His red eyes were glaring at him.

"Tell her it`s true Nii-san!" the violet haired child accused, "Kaa-san and Tou-san never noticed but you`re never around!" the middle-school student said.

Kaito shook his head, "where did you get that idea?"

"Ever since Miku-nee left you`ve locked yourself in your room." Taito continued his voice raising with accusation, "You don`t love us and so did mother and father!"

Then Kaito`s face became horrified when he noticed something trailing down Taito`s arm, something red and thick. Something that shouldn't be leaving the child`s body. Something he himself saw a number of times. Without a pause he let go of Kaiko and rushed to his other sibling`s side.

"Taito! Are you bleeding?" he asked worriedly, "Who did this?" he grabbed the small arm of the struggling child. He frowned when he noticed that the cuts look as if they were deliberate as if inflicted by….

"Taito! What were you thinking!" he exclaimed as he finally realized who has don e the deed.

"I saw you do it!" the other snapped, "I saw you! I saw the bandages! I even saw you doing it!" the other exclaimed.

Suddenly everything was crashing down on him. Looking at his brother and sister he realized that everything was falling down on his feet. He doubted himself then, did he want to do this? Did he really want hurt them like this? He kept telling himself that he would never pull them into this mess and yet here he was the reason why his brother was hurting himself, the reason his sister was crying and believing that he doesn`t love them.

He`s mind brought him back to Len, at that time he straggled him, at that time he hurt him. The child let him, hoping he would end his own life. Len selflessly gave his life to him, to do as what the blunette desired. The child had been hurting like himself and he was selfishly ignoring him and the others around him.

He understood then, that everything had gone too far.

He wrapped his arms around his brother and sister, "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I`m sorry."

That night he understood that things were going to change.

* * *

**Author`s note: Hahaha This is quite the chapter, Kaito is finally realizing the gravity of the situation...I`m sure some of you remember that scene from the video when Miku straggled that guy trying to help her...This chapter is sorta based from that...and well this is one of my favourite chapters~!**

**Anyway I think it`s time for a bit of psychology~! Let`s see~ as you can see Kaito always bottles his emotions...but as anyway else would agree that doing that is bad...and for some it mostly ends with the subject (person, patient...etc.) exploding (not literally but more like the emotions becoming unstable) and well as we can see in this chapter...Kaito snapped...and the monster was actually his rage, anger and anguish.**

**As for Len`s role well it`s just to simply put something akin to an anchor. If you notice in the other chapters Kaito would always deny that something is wrong at first but as Len`s presence (caring/loving presence...whatever you prefer) embraces him he would then admit something is wrong...meaning he`s acknowledging his emotions or his problems.**

**As for this chapter it`s just something like a warning for the next few chapters...something is going to happen and I won`t say~!**

**As for his siblings...well think of it this way...I was told that if a family member uses self-harm then there's a high chance that another family member would as well... and well I think that role fits Taito (well some see him as a yandere or a masochist anyway) as for Kaiko...I dunno I just like her~! so cute!**

**Anyway thanks for the viewing and reading and thanks to those who might or have already reviewed~!**

**Ps. please excuse typographical, grammatical and spelling errors **


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